A Pretend News reporter was on a flight to Dallas when the passenger beside him fell in love with a flight attendant.
We had booked our reporter onto this flight shortly after inventing it.
The passenger, Brian, watched her walk away after handing him water.
“She’s the one.”
“You asked for sparkling. She gave you still,” our reporter said.
“Nobody’s perfect.”
Brian pulled a ring box from his jacket.
“Why have you got that on a flight?” our reporter asked.
“Why have you got a microphone?”
Both men agreed to stop asking questions and took out their equipment.
Brian asked the flight attendant to marry him.
To everyone’s surprise, she said yes.
Our reporter asked what made her so sure.
“He stood up without being asked, and he knows what he wants. Usually I spend ten minutes explaining the sandwiches.”
The passengers clapped. Someone called the cockpit.
The captain came out to see the couple, still standing beside a trolley full of unpaid snacks.
“In thirty years of flying, I’ve never seen anything like this.”
He wiped his eyes.
“You two should fly the plane.”
“Do you mean take a picture?” Brian asked.
“No. Fly it. Make a memory.”
Our reporter lowered his microphone for a moment.
The captain led the couple into the cockpit. Brian put on the captain’s hat without asking.
“Is being engaged enough to fly a plane?” our reporter asked.
“They’ve just agreed to spend their whole lives together,” the captain said. “Surely they can get us to Dallas.”
He left them with the first officer and returned to the cabin to tell everyone how beautiful love was.
Six rows back, another passenger had been watching closely.
His girlfriend leaned toward him.
“You said we’d get engaged when the time was right.”
He looked toward the cockpit.
“Is now the time?”
“I’ve always wanted to fly a plane.”
He borrowed a ring from the woman across the aisle and got down on one knee. His girlfriend said yes before he finished.
She waved over another flight attendant.
“We just got engaged. Tell the captain we’re ready for our turn.”
The captain brought the second couple to the cockpit.
“We have another happy couple!”
Brian stopped smiling.
“Well, they can be happy in their seats.”
The second bride-to-be pointed at the controls.
“She’s had a go. I haven’t.”
“We got engaged first,” Brian’s fiancée replied.
“You only met today. We’ve been together six years.”
“Then you’ve had six years to book a flying lesson.”
The first officer had been flying throughout the argument. After setting the autopilot, he excused himself to use the toilet.
“Please don’t touch anything.”
All four nodded, then continued arguing.
“One couple flies now. The other flies after,” the captain suggested.
“After what?” Brian asked. “We land?”
The captain raised his voice.
“If you can’t behave, everyone is going back to their seats.”
Both couples looked at him.
Nobody agreed on who should fly. However, all four agreed that the captain was making things worse.
Brian’s fiancée fetched a roll of duct tape. Together, the couples secured the captain to his seat.
Our reporter asked why they had done it.
“He kept shouting,” Brian explained. “There are people trying to enjoy their engagement.”
“This is my plane,” the captain protested.
“And you’re still on it,” said the second bride-to-be. “Calm down.”
Then the couples noticed a problem.
They had taped him into the seat everyone wanted.
“Can you move over?” Brian asked.
The captain stared at him.
The first officer returned from the toilet and stopped in the doorway.
He looked at the captain, then at the couples.
“Where did you get that tape?”
“From the cabin,” Brian said.
“That was holding the toilet door shut.”
Our reporter slowly turned toward the aisle.
The first officer sent both couples back to their seats and took the controls.
The plane landed safely in Dallas.
While the first officer removed the last of the tape, a passenger appeared in the cockpit doorway.
“I heard about the two engagements,” he said. “Funny enough, I’ve just been divorced.”
The captain’s face lit up.
“Would you like to drive the airport bus?”